No I don’t, but why don’t I?
July 6, 2010 5 Comments
Totally awesome blogger Yummy Mummy No1 asked us last week Enough is Enough? Why can she not envisage never having another baby when she has 4 really lovely children? It has given me much food for thought since reading the post – here is the comment I left..
“I totally and sincerely do not want any more at all, 2 is enough for me, I’m no spring chicken and they keep me very busy! When I see a newborn I just wish I could go back in time and cuddle my two for a bit rather than have any more myself…”
So, alright, this is true, I’m what they refer to as a geriatric Mum (if anyone had tried to call me this they would have got short shrift) I do find keeping up with the laundry enormously exhausting let alone playing with the smalls and enjoying them but you would think on seeing a tiny newborn part of me would go soggy and start longing, after all it IS how we are designed, this however does not happen, I do find myself longing for my little dots as babies to snuggle and feed but there is no desire to go though the invasion that is pregnancy and even less desire to go through birth again.
So what is wrong with me? Time travel back to 1995, one of the fellow managers in my office came in from maternity leave with her newborn twins, ahhhh, right – wrong, I was not interested at all, babies were aliens from another planet and they were fragile. “Don’t hand me that thing I will break it or it will puke down my suit!”
Fast forward a bit. 1997 I decided Mr.Perfectforme perhaps did not exist and started a relation ship with Mr.Downrightsexyandlovesmeloads with whom I soon fell in love and now call husband, still not much inclination..
A little further to 20o2, after spending much time, thought and effort preparing and achieving marriagedom in 2001, we had a belated fabulous honeymoon and came back to normality and all of a sudden, DINGDONG – time clock in activation – impregnate me now…
4 years, 2 doctors, some pills, an operation later and the beloved and much anticipated daughter arrives, 19 months later, mostly because my body still thought it could my son arrived and I am blessed.
When my darling little man turned one my body did have a flutter of interest in reproducing and I said to it, “seriously body you are having a laugh! no way!” and pushed the thought away, it has never come back.
This would appear not to be normal, a lot of women never loose the desire to have another baby and if you look at this from a purely biological point of view that is the natural way of things, survival of the human race etc… So, why not me?
I always joked I had no hormones, this may be more literal then I knew of course, with an underactive thyroid and PCOS it’s a double whammy and so I suppose 2 years and 3 months on my body may have gone back to it’s pre operation “just muddling along” status of not producing the chemicals to make another baby desirable..
Some women of course don’t want children, hats off to them for knowing exactly what they don’t want in their lives, society does give them a hard time about this sometimes, as bringing up the children is such a huge, scary, responsibility laden thing to do I can understand that point of view.
I did want them, I wanted two, as they came, didn’t much care what colour just healthy and I’m pleased to say I got what I wished for.
I can’t really answer why I do not feel the need to have anymore babies, it’s all purely speculation and after having the “no darling, you will not be having a sister” chat with my daughter this week I did feel guilty that she would not enjoy the sisterhood that I have, it was not enough to make encourage me to rethink my viewpoint. I said to her, “If Mummy did have another baby it might be a brother not a sister” and she looked truly horrified.
So I ask again, no I don’t, but why don’t I?