The One Where I Cast Out The Bloggyblock Demons and Talk Teeth.

I have blogged a grand total of 7 times this year. It’s April, this is unheard of. I’ve made every excuse under the sun. I’ve been busy, scribbling ditties elsewhere, doing stuff, being other places; but the hard truth is I’ve been blog blocked. I’ve had something to write about that has been burning me up inside but I couldn’t. I’ve felt guilty, I’ve felt failure and I’ve felt shame.  Time has passed and slowly, the stress has ebbed away and I’ve been able to talk to specialists and other people about it. I’ve discovered it wasn’t my fault, I’m not to blame, I did nothing wrong that hundreds of parents aren’t doing right now but the guilt and shame burn.

Someone new told me they were reading my blog this week and I wondered why they were bothering, I mean, I haven’t been here for months! So I came and looked at my stats and the posts people are reading. I was astounded. People still come to this little corner of the internets and read my shit every day! My stats are nothing to write home about in the scheme of things and as I don’t interact with the ‘Mummy blogging’ world very often, I don’t suppose my readership is ever the same person twice but someone comes…

I was touched, really… and I thought to myself, why are you not blogging? My answer again was, I’m blog blocked, unless I get this shame off my chest and out there I may never blog again. So I’m going to do it. Don’t judge me too harshly, I never saw this one coming and I honestly wonder if you have either…

My daughter is an angel, yes, so she has her moments but as a parent I really ‘don’t know she’s born’ as they say. People point out this is to my credit, I’ve worked reasonably hard (without getting all stage Mum) at this parent malarkey for 5 & half years and she is a darling (I’m biased I know). I love her unreservedly as any mother should and I always try to do what is best for them, I guess this is why this whole teeth thing bites so hard.

Last September we visited the dentist, just as school was starting, the dentist advised me that my girl had a tiny cavity in one of her back molars and to take care of it. Anyone who knows my personal hygiene routine will know that I’m obsessive about teeth brushing.  After enduring two sets of orthodontics and having to still wear a retainer at night (attractive fact about me not many people know ) I am almost OCD about caring for my teeth, I brush, floss and mouthwash at least twice a day, I only have one filling (last month) and still have 2 baby teeth.  Installing a good dental hygiene routine in my smalls has been very high on the agenda.  So I was horrified she had a cavity! They rarely have sweets, fizzy drinks are far and few in between and never coke. No added sugar anything really.

At the same time as this School were hammering her with healthy eating, no chocolate (rightly so) in the lunch box, I even wrote a post about it, so thinking I was doing the right thing I started buying those rather cool fruit smoothie drinks, you know, the ones everyone loves (and me, it has to be said) with the rather brilliant fridge magnets, you know, the ‘really good for them’ ones with the ‘part of your 5′ a day tag. Healthy stuff that. I’m a good Mum I am *hangs head in shame* It’s not just those, she has always been a fruit magnet and would still prefer a bowl of grapes to jelly and ice cream and good on her!

Most children would have been fine, my son got the same, he’s fine. I drink it all the time, I’m fine.

Not so my little Angel, she has very weak teeth enamel and her teeth disintegrated. Well two of them did, her top ‘D’s. Ironically not the tooth we had been warned about. Food started getting trapped in the cavities and she started feeling pain. Pain that I helped create. It took 4 months for this to become a very painful problem.

I know you are probably sitting there thinking I’m being melodramatic about this. I can’t stress to you enough how guilty I feel about my baby feeling this pain, having to go through having the remains of the teeth removed under anesthetic. If I was to explain to you graphically what it feels like to hold your child’s hand as they go under anesthetic, to hand them over to other people to put right something you helped go wrong. I’d never be able to capture the feeling in words.  I can’t explain with enough forcefulness how terrible this made me feel, I’m supposed to keep her safe and look after her. Yes, I’m whipping myself. I think I deserve it, though I am coming to terms with it.

Every single dentistry professional has shaken their head and said, fruit is a real danger to enamel. As we parents are encouraged to make our kids eat their 5 a day to be ‘healthy’. My daughters reception class gets free fruit for snack, I’m sure I’m not the only parent who has over looked the acidity issue, the possible damage it can cause.  Yes, of course they have to eat fruit! I’m not saying stop but did you know that a simple swish around the mouth with water can significantly reduce the acid, thus reducing the risk? I didn’t know that. Perhaps I’m naive.

My little girl is a trouper, she has come through this amazingly, she screamed for 30 minutes after she came around, mostly because she was scared and then she wanted to go to the park.

Slowly, I’ve been pulling back the pieces of my smashed up stress head. I know I’ve been intolerable to be around and I’ve lost a few friends in the process due to being at the end of my tolerance.  I’ve opened up to a few people and I’ve been astounded by how many of them have said they have been through this with their children, or been through it themselves. People who I know look after their children extremely well.  I’m believing again that perhaps I do okay at this Mum thing and getting this out into the blog is a major step forward in being able to take ownership of my feelings. I don’t suppose it will ever go away… Not completely, but then I’m a mother and this comes with the territory.

If just one person reads this and thinks, I need to be aware that fruit, whilst an excellent healthy choice, needs consideration, I will be thrilled.

This was a hard post to write, the fact that I have written it is a leap forward for me. I hope to be here more often.

Ice ice baby

My son came home from nursery yesterday demanding ice to play with, I’m such a soft touch I let him make some and add some food colouring. His hands are going to be disgusting but he’s having a lovely time!

The Tip of the Pink Iceberg

Dear Other Mothers of Daughters…

We all sit precariously on the tip of an iceberg, it’s dangerous up here but at least the view is pretty, unlike the minefield that I allocate to being a mother of boy’s, that’s a bit of a mud magnet; No, the view is pretty, so much more pink and sparkly from up here…

I’m just starting to feel the fear though… My daughter is 5, she has just started school and this term it is “Ohhhh Sooooo Booooring!” apparently this is the term where they get that it’s going to last forever and they have to do as they are told and it’s tough titty.

Then, this morning we had the jumper row. We have had a few tiffs over what clothes she wears, she needs guidance in the world of stripes and patterns and still has her fathers ability to pick the twp colours that clash the most whilst dressing; loud is good you know.  The school sweatshirt is a row that has been brewing for quite a while. Until today it has been cast aside every morning with protestation but today she’s sniffling a bit and complained of the cold so I told her she had to wear it.

“But it’s horrible!” The nose wrinkles and the curls shake.

“It’s not horrible, it’s just uniform, the other girls wear it. All the children wear it. You need it to keep you warm.” Mummy is using her reasonable voice, this should really act as a warning to any child, it never works though…

“S**** never wears her’s, nor does M****!!”

“That is up to their Mummies, I know for a fact the other girls do.”

“But it’s horrible!!!” Foot stomping ensues…

“You need to wear it all day otherwise you will get ill and not be able to go to school at all!” She seems to be calculating this… “You will have to stay in bed all day, no wii, no telly and I have jobs to do.” Dire threats indeed.

“I will take it off in school though.”

“If you keep it on all day I will find you some chocolate.”

“OoooooKaaaaaay.” Down turned mouth and grumbles but the jumper is on.

All the way to school I got, “I hate this jumper it’s horrible. I want a cardi like…” so and so…

When she got out the car and saw her little friends to show her Hello Kitty scarf, hat and gloves set off to she forgot all about the horrid jumper, we shall see if it stays on but I have come through my first clothing row relatively unscathed. I must remember to tell Grandma not to tell the story about turning her school waist band over 6 times to get a mini skirt in the ’60′s…

 

I was amazed the other week when she started using the shower on her own, I mean, I get to turn it on and put the mat down but she gets on with playing washing herself. I was happily putting the laundry away when I realised she had been in there 30 minutes.

“It’s time to get out!”

“One more minute!”

Ten minutes later…

“It’s time to get out!!!!”

“One more minute!!!”

Mummy turns the electric off, shower goes cold.

“Aw Mum!!”

I thought I has at least another 7 years before we got to bathroom hogging… not so. Then there is the flaming lip gloss make up muck and little pink sparkly make up sets… So far I have put my foot down firmly NO. but it’s only a matter of time, society seems to want my baby to grow up too fast so it can sell her products, well hear this society, this Mum is going to fight back a little! I realise it’s a fruitless endeavor and in the end she will do the things all girls do, that somewhere in the dim and distant past her mother did before her, it’s a delay tactic, I will let you know if it works…

So Dear other mothers of daughters… any advise from the tip of your own personal iceberg?

Got a cold bottom yet?

 

 

 

 

Being a Mum is Challenging in so many ways…

I am once again a ‘new Mum’. I have been a Mum for 5 years and it’s all a bit of a scary learning curvy thingy to be honest. This latest mountainous step I face is the ‘interactive helpful’ bit…

So far I’m not much help at all, I can’t do the stop and drop scheme outside school in the mornings or the wellie walks because I have a little man to deal with too… That’s okay, I’ve mentally made a note for doing both next year as long as the Little Man gets the same school.

Slowly, I’m mastering the intricacies of ‘the book bag’ it involves various books and notes, my email is getting hit with a fair few emails telling me what to do and how things work. I attended a learning to read night and am now aware of the arm waving, sounding, acting out ways of phonics (although it’s no less frightening).

We successfully negotiated the birthday, I’d have loved to have all 20 new friends to her party in our small house, running around, making noise – okay I’m lying about that but I would have liked to managed something for all of them… Expensive birthdays eh!

Today I went along to the ‘Friends’ meeting in the hope that I might be useful with fund raising in some way, it was a long shot, I have come away feeling a little forlorn. What can I do to help exactly? Since childbirth I have the organisation skills of a goldfish, we have Koi in the garden with more brains than I can currently claim work. I can’t bake a cake to pass muster, I should pay people to eat my cooking.  I don’t really craft stuff, so making things to flog at sales is kind of out of the question… and if someone says “We need some good new ideas to raise money” My head goes blank and I’m sure I gain an unattractive vacant expression…

I’m sure they will find a use for me, I do a mean clock room attendant and can serve tea and coffee with panache! Perhaps my roll can be to fulfil some non strenuous, non thinking donkey work… Nothing too much as I am getting old you know After getting stuck on the decking the other night because my knees wouldn’t take my weight to lower myself down I have to be careful! (Yes, I was scrumping apples of the neighbours tree so it was come-upance)

I’d really like to be one of those Mum’s, you know, the serene type that never gets flustered, perfectly turned out with beautifully behaved children. But, I’m not… I’m the one who shouts loudly (though they do ask how high when I yell jump!) who’s kids have breakfast or toothpaste around their mouths or down their fronts, who’s own clothing doesn’t match or is on wonky. I’m the one who’s hair is wet from rushing through the shower at the last minute and never wears make up… Though I often throw on heels as they are closer to the door, they are not very suitable for the school run…

Luckily, my kids disagree with my imagined inadequacies… I get told “You are the bestest cook in the whole wide world!” or the best Mummy or the Most beautiful Mummy etc, always in the whole wide world…

That in itself is pretty hard to live up to!

There’s a Fire!!

“There’s a fire! and Diesel 10 is horrible!”

A review of Day of the Diesels, the new Thomas & Friends film by my 3 year old son, he can’t say much more, he’s mesmerized by it!

Poor Percy gets very upset when Thomas makes friends with Belle the fire engine train, he gets drawn into Diesel 10′s plans to take over the steamworks.

My boy has always loved Thomas and his friends, he has engines and bags and books but never really wanted to watch the programs, no idea why. So when HIT entertainment asked me to review this new Thomas film I did wonder if he would watch it. When the package arrived I told him, “This is a DVD for you Little Man!” and he was so proud he had been sent his own film like his big sister has in the past, we had to put it on straight away! We are now on our 6th or 7th viewing (I’ve lost count).

The narration seems slower to me then the tv programs, in fact, all the speech seems drawn out, it doesn’t seem to bother my son though.  The animation makes it a lot easier to watch then the older model railway version, although for me as an adult viewer it has lost some of the old world charm.

Thomas and Friends – Day of the Diesels is available on DVD or Blue Ray from Monday 26th September. That’s TOMORROW!! So all your little Thomas fans won’t have to wait long to see this new adventure.

Silent Sunday

No Crisps, No Chocolate? Ermm.. HELP!

No crisps, No chocolate or sweets in the school packed lunch.

It shouldn’t be so hard should it? I strongly advocate healthy eating and although once or twice a week I give in to the sausages/fish fingers and oven chips thing just so I can have a dinner where I’m not fighting my son to eat his meal and it is eaten quicker than one and a half hours!  They eat loads of fruit and vegetables and such a variety I’ve always been lucky on that score…  On a recent visit to Morrisons cafe with just my daughter, I gave her free reign to choose what she liked from the counter. She asked “Can I have two things?” I said “It depends what they are!” She was thoughtful while I told her the name of all the cakes and we negotiated the fact I didn’t want her to have crisps. She chose “The fruit salad AND the Strawberries please?” How could I refuse that?

I’ve put chocolate in the small’s lunch box once out of sheer desperation, it was tight month there was no money left and very little in the cupboard so I have them what I had.  Crisps they always had though…

From Monday, the little Lady will be in school full time, school dinners can be provided, bought in from another local school but as a family we eat a cooked dinner in the evening with Daddy.  His working hours usually see him home before 4pm.  Once upon a time I might have been raring to rise to the challenge of the packed lunch, now it just makes me scratch my head…

Head scratching out of the way I have come to the following conclusion,

A sandwich,

A small pot containing cherry tomatoes, cucumber and pepper strips.

A piece of fruit/fruit salad

A Babybel stylie piece of cheese

A carton of juice

Sometimes a yogurt

Sometimes a home made cake

 

We have other things lurking around in the cupboard like Humzingers – they love those and small pots can always be filled with raisins or sultanas.  I have toyed with the idea of a Bento Box, not every day just now and then, there is a great looking book on Amazon which I have added to my Secret Post Club wish list, although I might not be able to wait. It looks like a really fun idea.

Bento

I suppose what I really need is inspiration. What do you do that really works well in your children’s pack lunch? Do you go for simple off the shelf stuff or make things yourself? If so recipes please!!

As from next Monday I’m going to be making 13 packed lunches a week! It’s time to crank up the #notadomesticgoddess mode into #tryingtobeadomesticgoddess and not burn anything…

Help?!

Summer Diary W5 D3 – Pizza Diversion!!

Wednesday.

So we are back from out hols, the washing mountain is leering at me from the bathroom (camping washing is always so smelly!) and the cupboards are stark with their deep scary hollow emptiness…

*sigh* Domestic servitude bliss is once again the theme of the day. (I’m writing this Friday after getting caught up on a submission with a deadline and the washing is still not all done and the car is not fully unpacked #fail) So I pootle off to the supermarket because starving children are frowned apon and hungry husbands whinge too much, with one eye open for entertainment for the little lady. (The little man was deprived of telly for 5 days and was stuck to Nick Jr. with his eyes on sticks)

There were no peas for podding, no little colouring books, the bubble wands were reduced to 28p but it was raining…

and then I found this…

Those fabulous people at Jus-rol do a pizza in a box!!! Perfect!

Yes, I know how to make pizza dough *rolls eyes* and yes, pasata would be cheaper but This Comes Ready In A Fabulous Popping Tube!!!! With the cutest little pot of sauce!!!! Squeeee!!

Honestly, it’s time for them to go back to school I’m going insane

Look what she made!

Nom nom nom…

N.B this is NOT a sponsored post, just a very happy find

School Girl (Summer Diary W4 D1)

Today was the first school uniform shopping trip of my daughters life.

It was actually very painless, we have struggled to locate navy skirts and shorts but thankfully managed to locate them in Matalan, she had a wonderful time pushing the child size trolly around to, in fact she enjoyed it so much I just wandered around behind her tweeting…

Skirts socks shorts purchased we went to the shoe shop, I’d been dreading this bit, cost wise as well as ‘style argument’ wise, as it turned out they only had one pair in the shop her size which were the ones she and I both liked anyway, is there any chance it will always be this easy?

I can’t help thinking as I’m sure all Mum’s do; how fast the last almost 5 years have passed, in 2 and a half weeks I will be taking her to school for the first time, this is a huge change for both of us one that I think we will both enjoy as we move forward with her learning.

The most amazing thing of all is that in September I will get a letter from the council with an application form to apply for a school place for my son for September 2012, my baby boy, who is just out of nappies and curls up on my lap with the most amazing ‘huggles’. Whilst my daughter is raring to go to school and really ready for it, as am I, my baby boy is not and even in a year I wonder if I will feel that he will be….

Summer Diary – The rest of week 3!

Last week went past in a bit of a blur, we were really busy with our guests. You know that serendipitous moment when someone staying with you just slots into your house like that have always been there – that!

Of course that might have been the wine…

It just goes to show you that although we shrug and say “It’s only Twitter!” and other non-tweep people may be scathing about virtual friendships, that they can be very real and very worth while.

Well we did a lot in the three whole days they were here, visited a park a garden center and went geocaching, ate loads, drank a bit, fed fish, fussed dog, hunted for cats

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I think our Koi may always now be known as the kissing fish and Daisy has reminded us how lovely it is to have a dog in the house (one that doesn’t eat the kitchen that is..) It is fabulous to have grown up company to stay.

The weekend seemed very quiet in comparison, Saturday me making a break for Bristol to meet some writing friends, a whole afternoon and evening in adult company, a stark reminder how out of the loop I am as a non TV watching non musical person, most of the time I had no idea who or what they were talking about! It didn’t matter as it helped make me feel like a (rather dense) adult.

So… here we go with Week 4, Daddy is home all week so I’m going to have to fight for blog time with a crow bar! The plans so far are today (Monday) Uniform Shopping, Tuesday; sort things out for Wednesday and try and get things a little ship shape and Bristol fashion around here (faint hope). Wednesday we are shipping the smalls to Aunty Nicky’s and making a break to freedom to a friends wedding – I’d just like to pop in here to reaffirm my early point, I met the bride on Twitter. Thursday we collect the smalls and gather our camping stuff together to head for glorious Pembrokeshire *prays for sunshine*.

It’s all go is it not?!