I often wonder if people believe me when I tweet or say #notadomesticgoddess, I figured if I said it often enough people might actually believe me…  I know it to be true myself.

It’s a great thing to be a stay at home Mum, (grumbles about sacrifices over holidays, nights out, outings and decent toilet paper aside) I have loved the amazing times I have  had with the little lady and little man over the last 4 years I really would never have missed it for anything, after all I have seen all the firsts, taught them to eat and talk and run and scream…  hang on, no, I’m not responsible for the screaming, they got that from nursery…  I don’t think I ever stopped to take on board the wider implications of that choice, the “being in charge of domesticity’ bit. It’s fair to say that I’m completely hopeless in the face of organising a household.

Even with all the mod-cons of modern day life I just don’t get it…  My Mother used to stand over the twin tub and spinner all day to do the washing, there was always dinner on the table in time, the house was always pristine and decluttered. There is enough clutter in this house to fill three houses (to be honest it never seemed to be that cluttered before the big toy takeover, there was always somewhere to put something in those days…)

Our household has fallen into a his and hers jobs place and seeing as I was such an emancipated and opinionated 20 something I’m shocked at myself at how this has happened.  It’s disgraceful! (she says smirking, knowing that this point alone is the major contributing factor to her inability to be a domestic goddess – it really is mostly in my head).  Things pottered along while I was working, himself is an expert at ironing and will still show the carpet the hoover, but he doesn’t cook..  ever.  But now Daddy usually does a 50 – 60 hour week, most of that driving, he collapses at weekends in a state of exhaustion and I count my blessings if I get an child free hour to disappear off with the computer, is it at all fair for me, a stay at home mum, to expect him to lift a finger in domestic servitude?

As he can’t cook & won’t cook, he doesn’t – he has no interest in what he eats as long as it is unspiced, unsloppy and there is enough of it.  So that bit falls to me, she who went to Catering college yet can still burn water..  As a self confessed foodie I did ‘used’ to be able to throw together something half decent at a whim but after 14 years of an unimpressed audience; why bother…  I stick to marginally healthy boring tat I know he will eat and often end producing something different for me (and sometimes the smalls)…

The washing pile baffles me.  It is it’s own alien life form. A constant heaving mass of varying linens which takes on unrecognisable guises and giggles rudely at me when I go in the bathroom. It taunts me because it knows that I could spend two entire days attacking it and making it go away and the very next day it will be looming ominously at me again. Where does it all come from? and the odd socks… Don’t get me started on the odd socks, they deserve their very own post!

When do small people honestly start to keep their rooms tidy? (I can see my Step Mum jumping up and down in the back ground urgently needing to speak and in between laughing at my comeupance she’s saying ‘you never did!’)  The little lady is 4 and every time I spend literally hours in her room putting all the tiny annoying pieces of polly pocket and various Disney princess toys back together and placing them neatly on her shelves within seconds of returning she can have the place in uproar again.  I ask her ‘why!’ she says ‘because I like it messy’. Battle lost before it began?

I know himself can get quite frustrated with me, in the kitchen the other day he said ‘If I’m going to make the effort to put in this new kitchen are you going to keep it tidy?’ and I looked at him with resignation and said ‘You really think I’m likely to change after all this time?’ and he kind of rolled his eyes and huffed a bit and I felt a kind of breakthrough…  An acceptance of the person I am and that person is #notadomesticgoddess #butagoddessallthesame and in finding that in myself I have since then been able to find a small glimmering of satisfaction in sorting out the kitchen at the end of the evening (don’t go mad it’s just a small glimmering! As long as I’m in the mood to dance in the kitchen and nobody whinges about my singing…) It doesn’t need to be the perfection of goddestry does it? Just enough… and that applies to all the areas of my new job.  The washing needs to be contained, not always finished, the dust needs not to have names written in it, toys need to be places that people don’t hurt themselves on them,  The smalls are well loved, well fed and clean and tidy in the morning but if they get covered in paint, pens, flour, mud or chocolate biscuits at some point in the day so be it – Bo-sucks to anyone who doesn’t like it!

My new years resolution for this year, to be more accepting of who I am, to like that person because for all her many faults, her heart is in the right place and she’s not that bad…


About Kailexness
I am a Mother, a wife, a lover, a daughter, a friend but mostly I’m a woman. Time to shake off the labels and just let the words roll out….

9 Responses to #NotADomesticGoddess

  1. Lakes Mum says:

    I so know where you are coming from! I’ve been a fully SAHM for the last year but my house is fat from immaculate. My 2 smalls are constantly conspiring against me by going around undoing the last room I fixed. The laundry is in baskets everywhere instead of away… Need to get more organised in 2011 😉

  2. Sarah-Jane says:

    I recommend moving house lots, then you have to have a clear out.

    • kailexness says:

      LOL – yes I could do with a big skip and a reason to fill it 😉 mmmmm – which country do you recommend? (Don’t say Portugal)

  3. Heidi says:

    My smalls are now 18 and nearly 21 I am still waiting for them to start tidying their bedrooms. I have been a working mum nearly all their lives taught them to be self sufficent but still they don’t get it. My guess is that none of us are a domestic godness we are domestic scientists we are experimenting all the time.
    Acceptance is good go with that you are you. People love you for you ;p

  4. JulieB says:

    Life is too short.
    That is all.

  5. Jen says:

    I am a ‘just enough’ person and tbh with small children belting around the place there just is NO POINT in being a domestic goddess. It took me years to figure that out *goes off to sit in pigsty*

  6. Hilary Kelly says:

    I know a domestic goddess & she’s a miserable sod where as I am #notadomesticgoddess and I’m happy out. I’ll take my messy life any day. Great post 🙂

  7. fiona2107 says:

    Hahaha! LOVED this post….my dirty laundry continues to build up faster than I can wash it!

    And I agree about the socks…..Where the hell do the odd ones go? I mean, you put them IN but they never come out again….it’s kinda spooky!

    *pours another glass of wine, puts feet up and screams at the small ones that they’d better clean up before Daddy gets home*


  8. I loved this post too! I’m a SAH wife these days, doing the typical “trailing expat spouse” thing, and There Is Chaos! I don’t even have children to offer as an excuse!

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