Who cut off my oxygen?


Happy Holidays 😀

Baaarrr humbug….

I love my children Very. Much. Indeed. but I am the type of mother who appreciates them all the more when I have a breathing space between my times with them, that goes for Daddy too much to his char grin. So whilst other mothers jump for glee and get stuck into mass amounts of sticking, gluing and painting it takes me a while to adjust to sharing every moment of my time with someone or 3 other people.

This week I felt like my oxygen got cut off. They finished nursery a week ago Wednesday and apart from 3 hours Friday for the party when Daddy and I snuck off for our anniversary dinner we have been together constantly.

You all know I witter on about #metime and head space but it’s the summer holidays rolling on for what seems like forever that really smoother me. I have no idea why, perhaps I was a hermit in a previous life, sitting in a cave on a hill philosophising, whatever the reason the feeling of rising panic and emotion is here and I need to adjust, to cope, to find strategies that help me be the Mother I need to be until the woman inside me is able to breath again.

It’s not major, compared to what other people have to deal with it’s so minor it’s non existent.  I AM fine once I get out and do stuff, it’s the ability to make myself want to come out of hiding that gives me the confidence to know that I can.

I remember this time last year and how this feeling invaded my life and I also remember adjusting, it took a while but it happened so I’m attacking it this year from the standpoint of ‘you can do this’ rather then what the ‘F*** do I do!!’  Routine helps, kids thrive on it and so do I, meal times are not set in stone but I try and keep them at the same time every day. I’ve booked in some play dates, it gives me a reason to leave the house and the children love it.  I’ve made a list on the whiteboard of suggested activities, mostly outdoor it has to be said, I will leave the house on beautiful days! So as soon as this rain stops we can pile in the car on ‘mystery tours’

They will get afternoons of ‘calm TV watching’ while Mummy hides with a book quietly sipping tea or moments of mad trampoline jumping while Mummy blocks out sound mentally, breathes deeply and watches the koi swimming peacefully, perhaps I will even be lucky enough to find times to vent blog posts at my computer! I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but I’ve done it before and will do it again…

My bedding will have to match and if my daughter takes a knife to the butter again all hell might let loose (OCD trauma!) but lets take one day at a time….

One thing I do know is these ways of coping need to come from inside me, I need to be able to do this myself, nobody can help not even Daddy, because one day he might not be able to answer the phone and calm my growing panic and then where would I be?

So, we have managed to get through week one, onward to week two and see what gems of childhood it chucks our way!

 

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6 Responses to Who cut off my oxygen?

  1. Drama Llama says:

    Genius.. It’s good to know it’s not just me!!! This motherhood malarky is not all it seems sometimes! Well said you!!

    • Kailexness says:

      I often think to myself “I’m blogging problems again” and then I think “It’s not just me who feels like this.” and so I vent at the blog because often other people don’t realise it’s not just them and to know you are not alone helps, somehow… Changes nothing *as she splits up a fight over paintbrushes and mops up the spilt paint water* but helps all the same….

  2. I know exactly how you feel even though my lad is 35! I used to almost dread the summer break. The others were short enough to manage – just! As you said, you have to do it but yell if you need to!

    • Kailexness says:

      Thanks Julia xx

  3. max says:

    Thank you very much secret-post gift poster from your smiling secret-post giftee x

    • Kailexness says:

      You are very welcome!

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