Here’s a post I wrote today for the Resolutionary2012 blog, just in case you might have missed it 😉

Summer Diary W3 D2

I’m a bit behind this week *rolls eyes* but it is for a really good reason, amidst a rioting England our little corner of the Blue and Green planet is relatively untouched, I knew there was a great reason for living in the back of beyond!

Tuesday Morning we piled in the car and went to a park in a neighbouring town with some friends, the park is fabulous and has a lovely cafe in the grounds for Mummy’s to swill coffee whilst the smalls collect twigs.

Looking at my photo’s it’s obvious the Little Man is the only one who stayed still long enough to be captured 😉

Tuesday afternoon they helped Daddy in the garage whilst Mummy spent some time *chatting to people about the riots on Twitter (*worrying about people).

Later that evening with violence kicking off in Birmingham and Manchester I had a frantic tweet conversation with a friend, she took up my offer to escape and crash for a few days, hence being behind with the Diary…Is this the swiftest arranged tweetup in history?? I wonder…

p.s we are having a blast, something good to come out of the mayhem!!

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday

Is There Sex After Children? Hell Yes!

Firstly I’d better point out that I’m not a councilor, all opinions voiced here are mine yada yada and also just because it works for me doesn’t make it work for everyone.  I personally often wonder why society is so Victorian about sex, after all, if humans didn’t procreate you wouldn’t be reading this would you? So that accepted, this post is about BEING SEXY not lesson in dynamics 😉 but if you have a problem with this please use the little x in the red box up there on the right.

Still here? Fine. Glad to see you xx

This week I visited Karin’s Blog Cafe Bebe and watched her vlog on sex after children, whilst this is a family blog and even though practically all my family and friends breeze through here at some point I felt compelled to answer her question “What do you do to keep things hot and sexy?”

My man and I may have some issues, who doesn’t! But a lack of sex life is not one of them, although until recently it probably was…

My issues…

Overtired?  You know that time when you spent months, in my case years plotting your chart, working the dates, seeing your temperature spike and calling the sperm provider to come home and fertilise the egg holder? How Sexy Was That? Total turn off to be honest but for a lot of us it’s how it was… is even. And then what happened? Your body changed so much in such a small time frame, physical change, chemical change, alien invasion.  I was never physically sick but I felt sick from 9 weeks to 30 weeks with both children and sleep? Sorry, what is sleep?  Explain that concept to me again because after four years of the kids waking up at all hours I still don’t sleep properly a year on.  #Insomniac

Exhaustion is a real libido killer, don’t be too hard on yourself if you are feeling so tired you can’t think, honestly until last year the last thing on my mind when I went to bed was getting sexy, it was more “I wonder how long I will get to sleep tonight?”

Self Esteem? On my wedding day I was 12 and a half stone, still a little overweight perhaps, curvy yes. Two children later I bloomed to 15 stone, like so many women I was unhappy with this, it didn’t feel right for me, I felt trapped inside my body. I’m still overweight (apparently) and not entirely happy but loosing 2 stone has helped with my view of me, I’m much happier enjoying wearing nicer clothes, I have more energy and I feel sexier… Please rest assured I did this for nobody but myself, I still have a few issues with my self esteem but I’m getting there…

Who are we together?

We were a very active couple. We met skydiving, we loved skiing, mountain biking, walking. We would spend our weekends under canvas dragging our all too willing border collie all over the country, it was a lifestyle we enjoyed together and I’m afraid it got sidelined…

Having kids… major roll changes, for me, for us… who’d have thought it! I have a hate of labels but they do apply, I’ve always been somebodies something, Daughter, Girlfriend, Fiancee, Wife… For a very short time in my 20’s the “Daughter” label became less important and the Girlfriend one disappeared and I became just “Me” Independent, strong minded, flirty with a strong self awareness including a sexual identity, once Fiancee and Wife happened somehow my self awareness became less important and by the time the label ‘Mother’ was attached I had no time to consider me, I was the center of someones universe in a totally dependent on me kind of way… Huge.

I remember once in my 20’s scoffing at a woman on the TV “Needing to Escape to find Myself” I remember thinking, honestly, what a strange thing to say! Now I can relate to that on so many levels it scares me.

And so, when I’m so lost in being ‘Mummy’ what happened to ‘Daddy’? He felt inadequate, my OH was never very sure how to handle/deal with babies, he says he was able to “choose not to” try and help due to this inadequacy, thankfully at 5 and 3 he is brilliant with them.. but all that baby stuff fell to me. Feeling sexy now – No Sir!

So how have we made/keep things hot and sexy?

It’s really hard to sit here writing about this and put them into some kind of order, they all kind of merge, so you will have to forgive me if I jump around a little, mine is not an orderly mind 😉

Time…. I have to say it, as much as I wish it wasn’t true, since my son turned two and has been more independent in play and feeding himself, life is coming back into “LIFE”. When I knew I was pregnant with no.2 I eased back from interactive time with my daughter, encouraged her to entertain herself, use her imagination, feel she was contributing to the family by helping and as my son has got older I’ve done the same with him.  The unexpected added benefit of this is at weekends Daddy and I can lounge in bed while they play downstairs together on a Sunday Morning and they do get very caught up in their games….

Several other things happened to change the post baby blues. I lost that 2 stone I hated and my self esteem improved, energy levels increased, my reading brain returned – I read my way through the Twilight saga in four weeks and then moved on to rereading other books I’d enjoyed and some new ones, I’ve always enjoyed adult themed literature (along side my huge love for comic fantasy) and reading about relationships, how people interact and come together, flirty, sexual tension with adventure and romantic notions is a strong influence on me! Another huge experience at the same time as the rediscovering reading for me was my birthday, I had a bit of a epiphany in hitting 40… The ‘naughty forties’ time to re-capture that independent feisty sexually aware 20 something I once was and reinvent her into a more mature feisty, sexually confident woman who feels she has nothing to prove to anyone anymore and can be ‘herself’ – Yeah, that and why the hell not? After all, you only live once.

Romance? No Romance? What is Romance? What does this mean to you? Candlelit dinners? Walks in the rain? We are all different. For me it’s being tactile, being held, feeling contact, being wanted… Quite simple things really. Tiny things that make your partner feel like you want to be close to them, like SLEEPING NAKED! Honestly, nothing says “I don’t want you” more than clothes in bed…

Sex is not about romance for me, I’ve lost the rose tinted glasses Hollywood paints for us, it’s a pre-cursor certainly, it helps with feeling sexy, romance is something a couple can work on all the time, not just with an ‘end goal’ in mind. Romantically speaking I do love the idea of getting myself ready for my ‘lover’ taking care of myself, I like him to make an effort too; but in reality for both of us this doesn’t happen for a whirlwind night of passion, it’s an “Ongoing project” I like to be aware of.  I get waxed, I go to a good hairdresser so I look reasonably acceptable, I try and wear nice clothes often, skirts and yes pretty (inexpensive) lingerie; nothing special just not ‘Bridgets’ all the time.. and these things I do for myself because it pleases me, makes me happy. YES! of course my husband likes his wife to look good and feel sexy but in my opinion that’s a happystance.

Don’t worry about being tired, be close, hold each other, be together when you can on whatever level you can manage, if that is just spooning at night so be it, who said sex had to be all swinging from the chandeliers anyway, adjust you athleticism to what you feel you can manage and UNDERSTAND that your partner needs to do that too… how do you do that? Well it’s all down to….

…Communication! This is the most important factor in our relationship, we talk, we listen to the verbal diatribe (and you think I drivel here!) about everything, no subject is taboo and when it comes to sex I do mean everything! Even investigating each others thoughts on things that don’t appeal to us, being opened minded about each others quirks and leaving no stone unturned. I’m lucky in this fact, it makes it easier to consider what Sex means to me and expand my horizons or just reaffirm an avenue we don’t wish to investigate. How you communicate is of course up to you, we hide ourselves away in the evenings in the hot tub and chew the cud, a rare escape to Minehead recently saw us covering subjects together that we had only hinted at before, frankly, intensely sometimes – TALK – no holds barred. And when you are not talking you can still be communication, non verbal communication is really important. Watch, explore – learn…

What do I like?

A friend of mine often says: ‘Men tell women they only think of sex every seven second so as not to scare them, because in reality it’s an awful lot more.’ Well, newsflash, a lot of women do too! Perhaps I’m just one of ‘those women’. I have blogged before in this post about my love of erotic photographs, I love reading erotica too, hell I even write it. I find it expands my mind thinking about the process of sex, choosing stories that appeal to me, pictures that interest me, most importantly working out what doesn’t appeal. This exploration of my mind, the use of words and the sight of an appealing picture is probably the single most key factor I associate with my increased libido since having children and I am sure my husband will agree, discovering what I like is what has bought sexy back into our lives.

So – a summary might be necessary.. 

Sleep naked

Talk

Listen

Touch

Explore

Is it legal? are you happy? do you like it? Do it…. Be open… Discuss.

Well there you go Karin…. I think I may have gone a bit mad…. 😉

Foot note – This is a family blog… Anything you think I’ve been vague about or you want some more detail on ask. I have email and Twitter has DM’s I don’t know all the answers but maybe if just chewing the cud would help, I’m up for that.

The Gallery: My Back Yard

I love taking pictures in my garden, it changes daily, I don’t spend as much time out there as I should but I do love to get up close and personal with the camera.

The sun is shining here today in my little corner of the green and blue planet, according to Twitter it seems to be raining everywhere else! So I’ve taken advantage of the weather and got myself organised early for a change – in my back yard.

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Please visit Sticky Fingers on Wednesday for the other Gallery entries.

Plug me in!

I’m so firmly connected to the internet and my little laptop that I should have my own cable, I should be Neo, plugged straight into the mainframe with my thoughts pumping straight into the little boxes I keep them in, all neat and tidy.

So, yesterday when the internet went down in my little corner of the green and blue planet, you should have heard the panic from there!  So what does one do to pass a wet sunday afternoon without Twitter or Tumblr or cable TV and the phone was down too… All your eggs in one basket springs to mind.

Well I wrote some more of a story I’m playing with. My lead man annoying me though, my characters don’t give me a lot of say in what happens to them and this one is more obsinant than most, I do understand where he is coming from and thats all very well but it’s not sexy! Hurumph!!

So I shut the lid on th laptop and cleaned the cooker… and then the shower…. and did some laundry… yawn. By which time the troops had finished playing ‘camping’ in the conservatory so we put on a film.

We laughed our way through Gnomeo and Juliette as the rain poured down outside, that is a really great film, one that I can endure more then once or twice luckily. Then I decided to get the wii fit board out.  I’ve been pretty sedentary for the last few days with a nasty cold so a jump around is always useful to get the blood flowing and the smalls are getting to the point where they can get there hands around the control, the little lady is so dinky she does struggle with that.  So we hula hooped and headed our way through all the Wii plus games with great excitement.

All four of us playing together and it was great fun!

From the sound of it that’s what we are doing tonight too, if you listen to my children….

But the internet is back and I’ve missed it… time for #metime

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday

The Mystery Blog Swap

Well here we go! I’m so pleased to be taking part in the Mystery Blog Swap over at The Sardine Tin, my post has been sent to my partner and here is the great post she’s kindly sent to me but who wrote it?

Guess who? A memorable day in the life of a mystery blog swapper.

It was a usual Friday. We were awoken by a small boy clambering into our bed and a slightly bigger girl hovering next to it and demanding oatmeal. We live our lives by all sorts of weekly routines, one of which is oatmeal for breakfast on Fridays. We also have TV after daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays, snacks in the car on the way home on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays, gymnastics class on Thursdays, packed lunches on Tuesdays and Thursdays, hot lunch at daycare the other days. We have pancakes on Saturdays, chocolate croissants on Sunday. With two full time jobs and two kids we find that routine is our friend. Deviations can mean disaster.

My Friday at work was filled with the usual scientist fun; moving small volumes of liquid from one place to another with mind numbing repetition, then generating reams of numbers from the experiments and turning them into graphs, then cutting out these graphs and sticking them into notebooks. I always feel as if I should get the kids to come and assist me with this part of my job. I spend far too much time cutting and pasting (and I don’t mean electronically, I mean colored bits of paper and UHU glue sticks) for a highly educated adult.  The rest of the day was spent tweaking graphs and charts, generating slide shows and talking about the data in meetings and conference calls.

Some Fridays our company president opens up the wine cabinet she has in her office and shares a couple of rather nice bottles with whoever happens to be around at 5.15pm on the last day of the week. Even though I try to get the kids by 5.30pm, I am often tempted to have a little glass, and to socialize with those who are not running out of the door to pick up their children. I had a nice glass of California Cabernet on this evening, and just as I left the building, my phone rang.

Is it just me or do all working mums feel their heart flip a little when they see “daycare” on the caller ID? This time the perpetual undercurrent of anxiety was justified. My little boy had taken a tumble and cut his head. Fortunately daycare is only a few minutes away, so I sped over, cursing myself for staying that extra fifteen minutes at work for the wine.

I arrived to find him sitting stoic and pale,  with the saddest face in the world. His mouth was fixed in a perfect upside down smile, and his expression wobbled into tears when I hugged him. A big band aid covered his forehead. “Don’t look under the band aid, just take him to the doctor”, the teacher advised, yet at the same time assuring me that it wasn’t all that bad.

I vacillated on where to take him. There are several emergency rooms in the city, but the closest one is at what is known as “the county hospital”. Much like “County” in the TV show ER, this hospital is the only one in the city obliged to serve anyone, insured or not, so needless to say it attracts a colorful cast to its ER. It actually quite resembles the hospital in that much missed TV show. I’m always rather disappointed not to run into the young George Clooney whenever I find myself there. I had never taken the kids there before though, in fact this was our first real emergency. It is pretty amazing for a three year old boy to get this far in life without requiring emergency medical attention, I reassured myself.

We decided to risk it, 6pm on a Friday hopefully being early enough to avoid the crowds, crackheads and crazies, and we got lucky. They sent us straight up to the children’s hospital, where the doctors (all at least ten years younger than me) removed the band aid and I saw the deep, bloody gash in the poor boy’s face. They were unconcerned and matter of fact, deemed it a perfect job for the wound glue, and soon had it expertly closed up. I had my five year old daughter with me through the whole ordeal. She handled it all remarkably, comforting her little brother, remaining quiet and well behaved even though she was hungry and tired and is often upset by changes to her well ordered routine.

The memorable day has now become part of our history. I love how the children like to narrate and relive the days on their life that stand out. We talk a lot about birthdays and Christmases past, about visits to the aquarium or the zoo, and now we talk about the day little boy broke his head. We drive past “County” every evening on the way home, and every night since he has pointed it out and said to me “Mummy, remember when I got a big hole in me? That is where they mended me!”. I’m hoping there won’t be a scar left behind from the cut, but even if there is he will have a story to go with it.

The Invasion of the Pink Princessness

If you have been here before you can’t have failed to notice my views on the pink princessness which overtakes all little girls, if you have only just got here; where have you been!

Right Pink *groans inwardly* Little girls do not have to wear pink, as soon as I heard ‘those three marks are indicative of a girl’ from the lady working the ultrasound I made up my mind No Pink and I have stuck to my guns ever since, my daughter however has other ideas…

She claims “Pink is my favourite colour and purple and yellow and [insert current favourite here] You don’t like pink do you Mummy?” to which I reply “I’m not keen, no.” To which she tells me “Green is your favourite and Daddies and (Little Man) likes Red and Blue doesn’t he?”

But I wasn’t quite prepared for the invasion of the princesses.

I decided early on that their would be no HSM or Hannah Montana and that ilk until school. We have, unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control, got Mama Mia and Grease – I know! Please don’t go there…

So I thought it was fair enough when she requested Sleeping Beauty, though I had forgotten how horrifying Maleficent really is! Hiding behind pillows is a part of childhood, for me it was the daleks for her it’s Disney baddies – so far. Well that is how the invasion started anyway, it was then one DVD after another, my old videos were dragged down and the hand cranked VCR put to some use again (yes, I have them all and love them myself) but then the merchandicing started and the “Barbie” type dolls appeared, the dress up clothes, crowns, wings, wands, high heeled clip clops, it will never end will it!

and then I found this, it’s called What the Disney Princesses teach us…

and I find myself not minding quite so much…

Until I find my son dressed as Snow White waving a wand in clip clops singing about his prince coming…

Hmmmm, it will pass I’m sure.

Silent Sunday

Silent Sunday