Do that thing!

You know that thing, when you stop doing something you once did. You stop doing it for so long that it becomes almost impossible to start again, yet you want to start again but for what ever reason you feel you can’t. That.

All the reasons stream around your head; I can’t just now, I’m too tired/brain fogged/have nothing to say/busy/have nothing to say/out of practice/have still more nothing to say…

If you love doing something enough, you know you will come back to it when the time is right, yet that is an excuse too, it’s not the right time.

Such is my relationship with this little bloggy thing.

it’s been such a long time (over a year, yet I wasn’t very good at it before that.) I feel rusty, I still don’t have much to say and yet so much! it’s been a very big year, lots of ups and many many downs, life changes, learning curves, the road has been bumpy with cow sized pot holes.  I stopped talking and sharing somewhere along the way, I abandoned twitter, couldn’t manage more that naff facebook updates. I stopped writing, the stream of images in my head dried up. There was nothing but cotton wool and tinnitus.

Just sitting here shows me how far I have come in the last few months.

Perhaps its time. Perhaps not, I’m nervous. WordPress looks different, I feel out of my depth, the number of times I have said to myself “will you just get bl**dy on with it woman!”

So I took a deep breath and opened up this page and just started spewing type at it, which is pretty much all I ever did anyway. Perhaps I won’t say another thing until January 2016, perhaps I will find myself here again tomorrow. I really don’t know! I guess, like the rest of my road to recovery, its all about pacing, about taking one day at a time, about feeling my way.

It’s all about me!!!

*sniggers*

Moving into Week 2 with a clear head.

It’s Sunday and it’s been a great day.

Thanks to my understanding husband I’ve had some head-space today, I took the opportunity to dust the blinds and clean the front room windows.  Then I cleaned all the ornaments and re jigged our vast collection of books around the shelves a bit. It needed doing as my Bristol Blue glass was started to look like an archaeological find!

Doing chores like this so rarely reminds me that it would be easier if I did them more often, however I’m pretty well documented in my dislike of housework being #notadomesticgoddess I’d always rather be doing something more interesting and enjoyable with my time.  Like reading the wonderful article I found this morning via my new favourite website Advice to Writers  which was by Anne Lamott, it’s called “Turn off Twitter” in which she writes

at 80, will they be proud that they spent their lives keeping their houses cleaner than anyone else in the family did, except for mad Aunt Beth, who had the vapors? ……. but maybe accidentally forgot to be deeply and truly present for their kids, and now their grandchildren?

The main point of the article is about finding time to write, of course, why else was I reading it 😉 but squinting at the tiny screen of my HTC in bed this morning, reading this article, reminded me that with a little time management and some carefully employed entertainment for the smalls, I can find head-space in every day, if only for an hour.

During this quiet dust removing thoughtful activity it occurred to me that I might find it helpful to plot our course through the holiday with Diary type entries, they really don’t need to be very long, perhaps photographic or a few words here and there, it will give me a focus and the smalls something to get involved with too. Win/win? We will see. Now since I’m a blogger of sorts it seems natural to me to do that here. So I shall.

This is also a pivotal summer for us, my daughter starts school in September.  Putting the really tense battle to get her into the school I wanted for her behind us and moving on to this eventful day should be fabulous, she is more then ready to go and talks about her school or “when I go to school” daily.  I know she is going to change, to learn, be stretched, form friendships and perhaps opinions which are not the same as her parents, I’m looking forward to this with slight trepidation but I’m not going to be one of the clingy Mum’s crying in the playground.  She needs this. It’s another big step in the huge learning curve of making her a well informed independent young lady.

Excuse me while I have a wistful smile on my face for a few moments, I’d dearly love to keep her as a four year old for a few more years, the same as I’d love to be able to revisit the 10 month old her and have a cuddle and a nonsensical conversation like we once did. Sadly it’s not to be, all the more reason to keep a summer diary.

Knowing me I will forget, although I think it is important to make the time to do it, remind me to get on with it will you?

 

A change for the good…

Thank you for everyone who commented on Blinkers Removed post, you really did help me think through my options! I do love to blog but don’t really feel like a ‘Mummy Blogger’ just a woman who blogs about what ever catches her interest, the fact that I am a Mummy is (fabulous) just another label added to a long line of labels.  It’s time to stop thinking like a label and bring back the Me…

I can’t promise I will leave the blog looking like this, as a woman I reserve the right to change my mind indefinitely 😉 and I can’t promise to keep the blog clean any more either…

I may smut, I may swear, I may rant….

I may not…

Liberating isn’t it 😀

While I have your attention I’d just like to say THANK YOU  for reading and continuing to read. I write for two reasons; to get stuff out of my head where it does no good at all and to be read. I appreciate your visits even if you don’t comment. *drops to knees sobbing* Please comment! 😉

Onwards and upwards then xx

What Gives?

Tough bloody week last week….

Major stress for me with the schools situation, other issues at home and a re-occuring health problem making me unable to move about much for nearly a week, my head exploded into a thousand fragments of cotton wool and it’s taking me a while to pull it all in again…

I’m stretching myself too far… I’m not going into details on what those commitments and interests are I just have to many for my brain to handle at the moment. So what gives, well the blogerverce gives, my poor sadly neglected little whinging area I like to say is about us but it’s not is it and what makes it worse is that it is a ‘coping mechanism’ for me, without it I do not function as well.. Catch 22 or what!

So I’m going to try a pact with myself, I’m not going to worry about it. Because sometimes you need to focus on other areas of your life, like potty training *sigh* and finishing large projects that you started last year *taps fingers* or the washing mountain, if I can get in the bathroom to scale it *wags finger at my inability to be domestic.*

I shall be here when I feel I can because I want to, not because I feel obliged to keep up a stream of drivel.

Hello *waves* and thank you for visiting

Yesterday my blog saw people visiting 71 times, this is the most visits my humble little soap box has ever seen.  I must have a very loyal fan *waves* to click through so many times, feel free to introduce yourself sometime 🙂

I’d like to thank everyone who comes and reads my rantings, so here goes

You are always welcome to stop by and say hi!

Image credits

Thank you dotty heart by heartfelthandmade on Flikr