Do that thing!

You know that thing, when you stop doing something you once did. You stop doing it for so long that it becomes almost impossible to start again, yet you want to start again but for what ever reason you feel you can’t. That.

All the reasons stream around your head; I can’t just now, I’m too tired/brain fogged/have nothing to say/busy/have nothing to say/out of practice/have still more nothing to say…

If you love doing something enough, you know you will come back to it when the time is right, yet that is an excuse too, it’s not the right time.

Such is my relationship with this little bloggy thing.

it’s been such a long time (over a year, yet I wasn’t very good at it before that.) I feel rusty, I still don’t have much to say and yet so much! it’s been a very big year, lots of ups and many many downs, life changes, learning curves, the road has been bumpy with cow sized pot holes.  I stopped talking and sharing somewhere along the way, I abandoned twitter, couldn’t manage more that naff facebook updates. I stopped writing, the stream of images in my head dried up. There was nothing but cotton wool and tinnitus.

Just sitting here shows me how far I have come in the last few months.

Perhaps its time. Perhaps not, I’m nervous. WordPress looks different, I feel out of my depth, the number of times I have said to myself “will you just get bl**dy on with it woman!”

So I took a deep breath and opened up this page and just started spewing type at it, which is pretty much all I ever did anyway. Perhaps I won’t say another thing until January 2016, perhaps I will find myself here again tomorrow. I really don’t know! I guess, like the rest of my road to recovery, its all about pacing, about taking one day at a time, about feeling my way.

It’s all about me!!!


A change for the good…

Thank you for everyone who commented on Blinkers Removed post, you really did help me think through my options! I do love to blog but don’t really feel like a ‘Mummy Blogger’ just a woman who blogs about what ever catches her interest, the fact that I am a Mummy is (fabulous) just another label added to a long line of labels.  It’s time to stop thinking like a label and bring back the Me…

I can’t promise I will leave the blog looking like this, as a woman I reserve the right to change my mind indefinitely 😉 and I can’t promise to keep the blog clean any more either…

I may smut, I may swear, I may rant….

I may not…

Liberating isn’t it 😀

While I have your attention I’d just like to say THANK YOU  for reading and continuing to read. I write for two reasons; to get stuff out of my head where it does no good at all and to be read. I appreciate your visits even if you don’t comment. *drops to knees sobbing* Please comment! 😉

Onwards and upwards then xx

I Heart Me Monday – week 1

A new Bloggy linky thingy for this week but yet another good one…

J “notes” from Notes to Self, plus two has recognised that in amongst all the roles that Mummies perform everyday the “Me” can get lost very easily, so each week she is going to pose a “Me” thought to ponder on.

This week “What have I realised about me through blogging?”

As a relatively new blogger I still feel that I am finding my feet here in cyberspace, I started in April 2010 in what I realise now was just a cry to be heard, by anyone frankly who the audience is has never really worried me, I have always hoped it’s other parents going through the same sort of experiences as me but to be fair the last eight months has been more of a voyage of discovery of myself rather than a need to share my daily tribulations..

So what has that discovery been?

Foremost, I have discovered that I love to write, last April in my first blog post I claimed “I’m not a writer or particularly literate, I certainly can’t spell and I make no promises about having anything interesting to say.” and whilst I can still agree with my literacy and spelling issues and would never claim to be interesting (Dear Reader that is for you to decide.) I am a writer.   Okay so I don’t get paid to do it and it’s probably not much good but it’s writing all the same and I love doing it, in fact I lust doing it… Sneaking off somewhere quiet to get 30 minutes writing or editing has been my main “hobby” for 4 or 5 months now…

Blogging helps me deal with the swirling mass of thoughts, feelings and insecurities that explode in my head at really annoying times night and day, but mostly at night when the wee small dark hours drag on and the thoughts get louder until I just can ignore them anymore… Which is why most of what you find at ‘Allaboutus..’ is actually all about me…  Perhaps it’s time I changed the blog name?

My friend Jane a regular blog reader has been saying to me forever that she likes the way I write, it makes her laugh (good – happy with that *waves* Hi Jane!) and took nagging me sometime over the summer saying, “You should write a book” to which I would glibly answer “oh, yes like everyone in the world isn’t already doing that.” or “You come up with the story and the characters and if I like them enough I will write about them…” then September 7th, not that long ago really, a fellow blogger challenged me to explain Why I Write, and whilst considering that I said       “I have never written fiction, never tried wouldn’t know where to start…. ”

Perhaps it was just because I do use my cotton wool filled brain more and more each day to bash out stuff, venting into the keyboard or perhaps I tempted fate one small step to far but during October, they came large as life characters, plot line blazing in colour and bloody good fun to write about…  and I attribute the many months of enjoyment that has given me to blogging.  Along with that enjoyment has come a sense of self worth, a boost to my self esteem and a direction. Yes, I know being Mummy is still my number one job and a really important one at that but somewhere in the kids TV, the activities, the nagging, the nappies and the lovely bits the woman got a little lost…

and now she’s back…

and that is what blogging is helping me realise, who I am.